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Friday, November 30, 2001
xxx Wednesday, November 28, 2001 its cold. *brrr* its reaally reaaaallly cold. the heat... errr more like non-heat... has been at 62 degrees the past 3 days. iono why i didn't turn it up... but it just didn't make sense to me to warm an entire house with just one person in it. but i can't take it anymore... ahaha. xD iono why, but this came to mind last night while i was lying in bed: i don't really have a creative outlet. i mean... some people have artistic talent, others express themselves through poetry or writings, still others compose music and lyrics. but i don't think i fall into any one of those categories. sure, you can say my website or this journal are outlets for my feelings and emotions... but i see it just as words. and most of the time... the same words... that cannot truly express ME. i don't even know what i'm talking about.... bah. xxx he wakes suddenly, glancing at the alarm clock. "12:18pm? is that right?" *rubs eyes* then he remembers his late night rendezvous on the telephone. he stumbles out of bed, into the bathroom, and into his usual groggy routine of relieving himself and washing his face. he looks up seductively from the bubbly face wash and into the mirror. "you good looking fellow you... oh my... is that a zit?" the time being way past any sort of morning, he decides to forego breakfast. he plops down to the table with a banana, glass of water, and 8 barley green pills. "why do i take these green things?" he wonders. "oh yeah, cuz mom tells me to take them." the sun bears down on his back. yet it gives a false sense of warmth, for winter has already come. he closes his eyes... praying... meditating... giving thanks for another day of life, opportunities, and joy in being a loved creation... he pushes the locker room door open, entering quickly. almost too quickly, as he barely misses bumping into someone. he glances around. "good... no naked old men walking about today." he changes into some shorts then steps onto the weighing scale. 150... 160... 170... "oh too high." tapping the weight back towards the lower spectrum... the scale levels around 163. "wow... almost back to 165." entering the weight room... a familiar face catch his eyes immediately. *fishes in his head for a name* for assurance sake he pipes, "hey, you went to gunn didn't you? what was your name again?" dave. that's what he thought it was. "are you still in school?" no, in and out of school... working some waitering jobs. he wonders if dave remembers him... he wonders if dave thinks its odd for him to be so cordial. dave was in the "popular-caucasian-jock-crowd", but he was just another good average scrawny asian boy. now, after earning that degree, and being the lean-mean-163lb.-athletic-machine that he is... he thinks to himself, "boy... how things change so quickly...." the package reads: add 1 tbsp. of butter, then heat in skillet, on medium for 6-9 minutes. he finds such joy in the simplicity and efficiency of frozen foods. pam pam! 6-9 minutes and dinner is served. tonight it is farfalle salmon in a dill cream sauce. *crack crack* two eggs into a saucepan. how delectable! bringing his complete meal to the living room, he nestles into the large comfortable sofa and clicks on the television. "what the... the warriors are OWNING the mavs." warriors are up by 13 at the half. *slurp chomp swallow* "dang it... give it to jamison give it to jamison!" warriors end up losing by 10. throwing the dishes in the sink, he trudges upstairs, once again, to find solace in a screenname representing someone miles away...... xxx Sunday, November 25, 2001 "you, you're everything I ever wanted to / be, when you're here with me I just wanna lose / me, in your love that rises to the sun / and says everything I never could think of..." - binocular - you thanksgiving has come and gone. the flurry of bustling bodies have gone home. the cold numbs my uncovered hands and feet. yet the memories of cold induced blushed cheeks warm my heart. :D my uncle said, "many families can pray together, but not many families can sing together." i say, not many asian families can share together, but ours sure can. which family portrait do we send out? the one with caleb being silly, or the one with caleb being silly? here... meet the parents while i take a dump. home alone again... God what do you want me to learn? the family gathers around their grandfather's grave, recalling fond memories of his love and devotion towards a family of 12. round and round they go... hand in hand... happy, secure, wishing for no end. rain, wind, storm... the beginning and an end. crisp, fresh, frigid... bundling up, christmas specials on tv, warm hugs. she grows bigger everyday... continuous change... she utters more sounds, her face conveys more emotions. have i told you, lately... that you make me happy? two trips to the airport, three goodbyes in all... i don't like goodbyes. goodbyes are only ok if you know they're gonna be back for sure... but then again, how certain can you be? sweatshirts give me joy. i have no one to hug... how am i going to fulfill my quota? 5:30 in the morning... there are hardly any cars on the road. but the cars beside me... where are they going? do they wonder the same about me? today is the sabbath... i need to go observe it. xxx Saturday, November 24, 2001
xxx Friday, November 23, 2001
thanksgiving fun! unexpected guests! whoot! xD xxx Thursday, November 22, 2001
couldn't have said it any better myself. :D happy eat and get fat day to all! enjoy your times with your family! (: Update: added my thoughts from the pre-blog days into the archives xxx Tuesday, November 20, 2001
just wanted to share with y'all my whole headed mowhawk. you know how usually its just the mowhawk and baldness everywhere else? well... i don't know why... everytime i get up in the morning, my hair tends to veer to the middle. you stupid head of hair! *grr* >:-( anything new with anyone? care to share? so i don't really like my hair. my dad basically said i look like a bum and should cut it. i just don't know how to style it! or how it would look good! so i'm baking it with my beanie and whatever comes about after a bake-session... well that's how it will be. hehe. hrmm... maybe i'll put the future of my hair in your hands... soooo... VOTE!!!!! xxx Monday, November 19, 2001 relationships are awesome! especially the ones with your parents. i was eating lunch with my father today and we got to talking. now mind you... i love my father, but we never really talk, heart to heart. i usually do most of that with my mum. :) i told him what was on my mind - mostly about linda and my relationship with her, as well as plans for maybe more schooling in the future. i just stood there, him across the counter from me, and we just conversed, probed, and genuinely took an interest in each other. midway through, the oddity of it all struck me - i don't know why... but i actually got a little nervous. my voice shivered a little, my sentences became little incoherant ... but i still got the general message across. haha xD my dad is a wise man and boy does he know me well! like i said, we don't even talk that much... but as a father, he just knows my ins and my outs, my thoughts, my motives... to the dime. he encouraged me to use all the time on my hands to really seek the Lord, to really put my passions in perspective, and to really do some soul searching. what are my passions? do they fall in line with public health? if not, why even pursue it? he said that God overseas the greater plan for our lives... but we as decision-making people still have to walk down that path of life, we still have to move forward. we have to do our part and God directs the rest through an opened or closed door. then he prayed for me and i gave him a hug. H.U.G.S - hugs undoubtedly guarantee smiles! so talk to that other parent you're not as 'close to' and give them a hug! you might actually learn how deeply they know you and the good things they desire for your life! :] xxx Saturday, November 17, 2001 so my buddy eric calls me up this afternoon. he's a good friend - called just to check up on me, see how my past couple of weeks have been. he's finishing up his last semester at berkeley. it was a good conversation as always. he's excited about finishing school and moving home. i'll get to do crazy things with him again! yei aweeesome! so, i asked him what his plans were. he said he'd take a couple classes - EMT, a missions perspective class, and chinese. he feels led to go on another missions trip to china this upcoming summer. anyways, he was encouraging me to look into going back to school - public health specifically. it is a broad field with certain areas of specialization... but earning a masters will guarantee a higher paying job and more experience overall. he's planning to apply to the School of Public Health at UCLA for the fall 2003 school year , as is peter. i'm stoked just thinking about it! if i were to apply as well, we could all live together! AND i'd be near linda as well. :) :) but iono - i'll need 2 professor recs (shoot! i never kissed up to any... *grr*) and a work experience rec. i don't know about any of this... but i'm glad eric brought it up. i mean God used him to encourage me for missions this past summer, so who knows! i will just start praying and talking to the parentals about it. going back on what i said yesterday... if it is from God, i'll get in even with a bootie gpa! can anyone imagine me back in school? *laughs* xxx Friday, November 16, 2001 "Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God." - Acts 5:38-39 i read this passage this morning and it has been my mind the entire day. this was the beginning of the early Christian church, right after Jesus ascended back up into the heavens, and when all the believers received the Holy Spirit at Pentecost. Peter and John were arrested for preaching in Jesus' name, but one pharisee named Gamaliel... spoke these wise words. these words stuck to my heart... because it says if anything is of human origin... basically, anything from us... it will fail. i think its soooo interesting, because almost everyday... we're looking out for ourselves. we plan plans, we dream dreams. but if those plans and those dreams aren't of God, in His will, or even remotely pleasing to His will - we'll go nowhere with it. mom is always telling me to pray pray pray, and really seek to know what God's will is for me in all situations. more often than not, i don't take her seriously. but i ought to. if i just jump into something without humbly and sincerely laying it before God... the odds are, i'm just wasting my time. ya heard? :D basically... if God's blessing is on any relationship, job, family, etc. - the circumstance couldn't be better! the hard part is discerning what is and what is not of Him. that comes from knowing Him intimately... as a savior, father and friend. something to think about... :) xxx
i wub you unkee caleb!!!! i can't wait til you get home to play with me! my favorite things to do these days are eating, sleeping, pooping, crying, and getting light from my little machine because of my jaundice! xxx Thursday, November 15, 2001
i like this picture betta... so i changed it. [: gosh... i so love pictures. i wish i could capture everything i see and everything i think in pictures. oh wait... errr... maybe not what i think. but you know what i mean! the good things i think of. :D xxx
haha - was bored as usual. started playing with my webcam. i applied to a whole bunch of jobs today. praying and hoping i'll get some responses! xxx Wednesday, November 14, 2001 shoutout to swan for taking me anywhere and everywhere i pleased. shoutout to sinath for the introduction. shoutout to dave for being my homeboy for life. am i missing anyone else? oh yeah! and keitinka for being host and for the blankie. :] xxx
haha - lets make this a day of pictures. now... lets talk about gourmet salad's. mom makes these yummy salads - this one has mango, greens, portabello mushrooms, avocado, and tomatoes. *mmmmm* xxx 
"its a beautiful day..." - U2 xxx Tuesday, November 13, 2001 woot! new layout... i'll probably add more later on. sorry for those who were trying to read my thoughts! it was all janky for a lil bit. lemme know what you think! :D xxx Monday, November 12, 2001 "what's my motivation?" so i was talking to linda last night and this was something that her pastor spoke about in church. have you asked yourself that recently? what's my motivation of being in a relationship with God? or what's my motivation for taking it higher and to the next level? or... how come i have no motivation? haha - iono bub. for me right off the top of my head, my motivation for my relationship with God is cuz He knows what's best for me. and if i want to know what's best for me, i gotta learn it from Him! right? so how do i learn it from Him? by meeting with Him daily, reading His word, lifting up all my cares, concerns, thanksgivings and praises to Him. but somehow it seems to come back to ME... am i being selfish? does all this "i want to be blameless and righteous and bring God glory" desire have ulterior motives to it? so i guess i'm basically asking - what constitutes a motivation for God that would be at the same time pleasing to God? interesting eh.... lemme know what you think! so today mom and i went to oakland to visit grandma and take her to dim sum. she's 88 years old - but she keeps saying she's 90. haha xD she is actually very lively for her age, and physically she is very able. but she has alzheimers... so she repeats her stories a lot. and she always asks where caleb is, and i tell her at least 3 times a visit that he's at school. :) i like visiting her tho - i make her laugh! anyways... on the way there and back we just talked. i don't think i've really heard... errr, don't remember well... how my parents got together, so i asked. she was telling me how when my dad first became a christian, he had such a strong passion for God. he worked in the church library, and served the pastor, and wouldn't have anything to do with the sisters at church. cuz he didn't want to come off as, well... you know... going to church to look for girls. HAHA :) and mom was saying dad would cry everytime there was communion - because he wasn't loved much as a child, but now could fully understood the love Jesus had for him on the cross. haha - but mom said his love for God and avoidance of girls made him even more desirable to the sisters at church. haha! my daddy's smart! reverse psychology! but one day, mom goes to ask dad what she missed at the last fellowship meeting. he said they talked about dating courtship/relationships, and then he asked her what her ideal boyfriend would be. mom said she was kind of ditsy (maybe that's not the word...), so she said "someone like you!" ahaha. but dad said, "you wouldn't want someone like me. i'd be serving the Lord, and you'd hardly have enough money to buy groceries with!" mom told me that deep down inside she felt that God wanted this relationship to happen, but her own "flesh" didn't like dad because he was poor and didn't have a successful career path. but that's how it all started... and well... here i am. (: haha - so all this talk came down to God's will for our lives. what's God's will for my life? for my career path? for my future spouse? mom said that everyone always asks these things... but God says directly in His word. 1 thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumsatnces, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." if we do this... everything will fall into place. my mom is so wise! i need to memorize this verse. :D xxx Sunday, November 11, 2001  hi baby! this is my niece! yay! it has been great being at home. i've really enjoyed just the short 1 day that everyone has been home. its a big change i tell ya! there's juuuuust a couple more people to interact with, as opposed to it just being me at home. now there's baby zoe girl, nia, jonathan, mom, and dad. basically this is only my third week seeing dad... i got home for 2 weeks from belize, and then he left for 5. and then mom is always out running errands, or attending prayer meetings, church events, cell groups, etc. so i am greatly appreciative of the festivities of having so many people in the house! you know what they say - the more the merrier! :D
ok... off to run some errands now. xxx i dunt wanna be home... but i am. boooo. i had the best time at ucla with linda... thank you linda. :D *hug* but hey... if i didn't come home... i'd never have known... that i became an uncle! an uncle to zoe carisa wong. :] she was actually born a few weeks early! its so weird because when i left for LA, she was still in my sister's belly! then i come home... *pop* she's in this world! haha xD it was odd because she was the little baby girl that would stop kicking EVERYTIME i put my hand to my sister's stomach to feel. that little rascal! haha - and now she's this precious new human being lying in the cusp of my arms. i'm looking forward to being a part of her life! oh my... haven't been getting lots of sleep. i should go sleep now. g'night! i will post up pictures of baby zoe girl when i get a chance! :D xxx Thursday, November 08, 2001 hello hello. i am blogging from sunny southern california! i'm at UCLA! yay! maaan... it has been only the most awesomest trip thus far. i got up at 6:45 yesterday morning, drove over to nia's, had her drive me to the airport and arrived here in LA around 10:30. the flight was good... cept i could have used more of a nap. oh well. i saw beum! my good friend beum! from high school! midwest! i was quite excited... because neither eric, peter, or i have seen or heard much from him since pretty much last year...? but it was a very good reunion. we went out to lunch at this place that was similar to pluto's in downtown PA - very good - and just talked about our mission trips, the struggles and challeges we had on them, schooling, thoughts on life, girls, family, siblings, struggles with not being hypocritical, etc. it was SUCH an awesome time... just catching up with him and laughing with him! :D linda has been a good host... and i've been enjoying my time with her immensely! last night we were just talking... the first time we really talked (i.e. - not email or aim) for a long while. i was just asking her about her relationship with God, and she was just sharing with me the struggles that she has had to deal with since coming to know Christ. but just seeing her desire, her whole attitude change towards God and all the things i've pretty much been blessed with and known all my life... gave me a joy and smile on my face that i could not explain. i mean... 2 summers ago she had no want or need of God. And i come and visit her here, and we're playing praise songs on the guitar, and she has more worship mp3's then i do, etc. and i was just overwhelmed... overwhelmed with just the joy of the holy spirit i guess! xD this trip away from home has been THE best... and i have 3 more days here that i very much look forward to! i don't wanna leave. :( xxx Tuesday, November 06, 2001 well... i am almost about to head to bed. yes... quite early for once. i need to get up early to catch my flight... to LA! i'm really looking forward to it. just getting away from home... blowing some money i don't have, and just hanging out with some friends and re-experiencing college life for a couple days. *ahhhhhhh - sigh* last two days have been lots of cleaning. parentals are coming home on thursday and i had to *ahem* make it presentable. i mowed the front and back lawns... watered the plants... swept out the garage... learned how to change the oil on one of the cars from jonathan... washed the piles of dishes in the sink... cleaned my room... and vacuumed the house! yes, i will make quite the house-wife... i mean house-husband. but hey! momma taught me well. :D had a good talk with the bro last night too. haha... he was telling me about some stalker girl problems... i won't get into it... but it was just nice to hear about other aspects of his life. the aspects other than school, work, movies, computer parts, and motorcycles. i miss him. (i miss you bro!) its so hard to get a grip on him... because he never lets me into his head. i think he's a lot like my dad... that's why. they're both pretty closed with their emotions. shoot... we need to get some 1-on-1 going again. and i need to get a bike so we can go crusin'. yeah its nice to know more about someone who is blood-related to you... and only 22 months younger. too bad i wasn't a little bit nicer to him while we were younger. *sigh* i did a little reading of my belize missions trip yesterday. i just picked it up and started reading. it seems so long ago already... so long ago were the days where my only goal was to glorify God. gosh... it seemed so much easier being obedient to God's commands while serving Him full time. i mean, i still seek to bring Him glory, except my mind is on so many other things now. things that are almost worthless if put in the sense of eternity. but i guess like Jesus... we have to do our best in the situations we are put in. :) God how i long to bring you glory... to be a vessel for your glory Lord... purify me... mold me... make me... break me... reveal your will for my life... xxx Monday, November 05, 2001 one thing i learned yesterday from pastor Paul: "faith comes from hearing... and hearing comes from the Word." xxx Sunday, November 04, 2001 after a full serving of taco bell... i plopped myself down in front of the 'puter, and i have been reading ESPN magazine and listening to old tunes eversince. wow. these 120 some pages are AWESOME. i've picked one up before... but the times that i have, i've always deemed the articles too lengthy to read. but tonight... i think i've almost read everyone of them! errrr... except the hockey ones. tee hee. wowzas... gettin' late! time for bed, church tomorrow! oh... and a big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my brother davey chian down in sd. :D xxx Saturday, November 03, 2001
xxx Friday, November 02, 2001 alright... first things first. whoever reads these little diddy's of mine, now you can leave me comments! just click on the comment link at the bottom of each entry. then i guess i'll have a sense of who reads when and what they think about my thoughts, or me! :D ok... today was completely chill. i got up at 11... whoops! a little later than usual. had a good devotion too. i like my mornings. :D cuz i just get up, and plop myself down at the kitchen table and read my Bible, while the sunlight streams in through the backyard and onto my back. its such a good time and setting to read God's word. i'm reading through the psalms, and today, psalms 15 struck me in particular. "Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill? He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman, who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the Lord, who keeps his oath even when it hurts, who lends his money without usury and does not accept a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things will never be shaken." reading this made me think about how easy it is to please God. i mean it says right here! if your walk is blameless, do what is righteous, basically be nice to people, keep your word - you will never be shaken! having it laid out like this almost makes pleasing God seem easy. but is it? of course the answer is no. being sinful as we are, we can NEVER be blameless and NEVER always do what is righteous. but... because God sent His son to die on the cross for us, we ARE righteous and we ARE blameless because of Jesus' blood covering our sins. MAAAAN that is awesome! so psalms 15 is what i am striving towards. :] oh man... this is getting long. neways... i also watched "the godfather" today. what really interested me was the fact that michael (the character played by al pacino) started out not wanting to have anything to do with his father's business. the mob business. but then after his father is shot, and after his brother sonny is killed - he takes over the business just like that, and runs things even more merciless than his father did. i find it admirable that he loves his family and looks after them. But i thought it weird how he just threw away his stance on not killing and being involved with all the other vices. if your dad was doing something that you did not agree on, but when it came down to it you had to make a choice of whether to honor or dishonor him... what would you do? xxx Thursday, November 01, 2001 well... it is my second day at home by myself. mom and dad left on a trip for a week and left me here all by myself. bootie. now it is just like college again... i have to fend for myself - food wise. hehe :D yesterday was a good day. lately i've been feeling a lot less depressed about not having a job. i guess you could call it a perspective change if you will. cuz reflecting on my life, i see that i have it good. don't i? :) i mean... my life now is pretty much every college kids' dream. i wake up late, eat well, go online a lot, watch a lot of tv and movies. it just sucks there's not too many people around to play with. ya know? :( anyways... i was thinking i'd probably enjoy my life a lot better if the economy was good. why? because there would be a much better chance, and i'd be more secure in being able to find a job whenever i wanted to. but now, since the economy is bad... finding that job is always on my mind, and sometimes overwhelms the good life that i lead. so my thought is... why not still enjoy it? :] so yesterday was pretty normal. woke up 10ish, ate, did devotions, job hunted, then i went to the YMCA. everybody now! Y-M-C-A! haha so i had a good work out, then shot some hoops. the last couple of times i shot hoops i've been working on my jump shot. i don't really have one. shucks! but i've been working on it... and yesterday it felt a lot better! i have a jump shot! err... i think. didn't have any plans for halloween... didn't even have any candy to pass out. i think i heard the doorbell ring once. iono, its not like i answered the door. xD haha... i was afraid someone might attack the house since i was the only one home. scary =\ so... i did go to a business meeting at 7:30 tho. for work... world financial group. i think there is a lot of potential for me there. plus a lot of the people who have been there for a couple years - seasoned professionals as you might say - are really friendly and genuinely want to help me do good in the firm. so i praise God for that. i was kind of apprehensive about it before... but things are falling into place, i guess. i am visiting UCLA!! yay! next week. gonna visit a friend. haven't seen her in a while... so i don't know how things will be. haha guess i'll find out. i'm excited tho! cuz i've been here at home for way to long... need a "trip" somewhere. yaaa heard? xD xxx |
 name: joshua chiu age: 28 birthdate: march 26, 1979 height: 6 feet weight: 172.5 lbs. location: san diego, ca loves: God, family, kids, motorcycles, sports, music, deep-meaningful relationships, competition over video games, food - any and all |
shout out to peter. thanks bro for the encouragement... i really wish you were back here in palo alto so we could just kick the pail around everyday and be bum's together. :D