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Thursday, December 27, 2001
hey y'all. i'm sorry... i know i haven't updated in quite a while. but i have a prayer request. i'm really not feeling well right now. my head is nauseous, my legs are weak, my stomach is wonky... i'm siiiiick. :( *sniff* mommie! mommie says it is probably the flu... but i can't afford to have the flu right now! i have a roadtrip with linda in 2 days. :'( so please pray for me. i welcome this sickness... for it makes me rely on God more. it makes me know that i can't do anything on my own - take pills, sleep lots, drink water, etc. - that God can heal me in an instant if He wanted to, but He'll work in His own timing. sooo... with that... i am going to go take a nap now. praise God for sickness! bybyes. :D xxx Tuesday, December 25, 2001 MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! xxx Wednesday, December 19, 2001 well folks... the poll is officially over! i got a haircut today. i know most of you wanted me to cut it short... not mr. clean short, those results were skewed by my obnoxious brother :)... so now its short. i actually wanted it to be more of a medium length... but the lady said it should be shorter. *shrug* it'll grow out in time. :) xxx Tuesday, December 18, 2001 i'm doing this at work believe it or not. :D its kind of a slow day. but today has been a very VERY good day. i slept splendidly... and i woke up refreshed! as opposed to most other days. =\ i know it was due to the fact that last night, even though it was already very late, i still spent some time reading the word... i actually promised God i'd get to Him. :P it shows matthew 6:33 to be very true - "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" so... along with that, my boss took me out to lunch. it was the second time in just 2 weeks of work. i guess he really likes me, or enjoys the talks that we have - mostly about office politics, and how stupid some people can get. (: AND... along with that... the roadtrip at the end of this month is a go! :) :) which means i get to look forward to a week of non-stop linda. oh boy! i'm so excited! stoked! elated! exhilarated! joyous! josh! *weird look*... calm down dude. sorry i can't! :D caleb came in to the Y today... i took a break and we played some 1-on-1. he beat me. :( but that's cuz i was in jeans and my pumas. ahhh... oh well... i'll give it to him. :) 25 more mins of work! then time to work out! i happy! xxx Sunday, December 16, 2001 "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." - Proverbs 27:5-6 pastor paul spoke on unity today... a continuation of last week's message. his first point to being unified, in any relationship, is acceptance. you first need to accept a person for who they are before any relationship can flourish. the second point is, allowing for and accepting them on non-essential, debateable differences. which is saying, you accept them, and you still love them even if some of their views are different - their views on small things (i.e. denominational differences, feelings, emotions, etc.), but not the big things (i.e. what the Bible says, doctrinal truths, etc.). i ferget the third point. so on to the fourth! the fouth was to leave the other person accountable to God. meaning - you can tell someone your thoughts on a certain issue... but then you shouldn't turn around and go forcing that view on someone, or manipulating them to do things they don't want to do, etc. because in the end... they are only accountable to God. this last point is what brings about proverbs 27. if you look at me... and if you know me... i'm a pretty sensible person. right? haha... well tell me if i'm not. but i think i am. but when it comes to my family, my parents specifically, often times i am not. my parents are wise... as are most parents... uh... i think. and they always point out things i need to work on... as a son, as a person, as a friend to others, as a potential future-husband/father, etc. as the proverb says... "better is open rebuke than hidden love"! the bible says it so plainly! to rebuke openly is to love! shuh... my parents do that A LOT. but i don't always take it in love, as they give it in love. i get offended, defensive... i raise my voice and get overly bothered. but i've known this... and God just gave me a pleasant reminder today. something i gots to work on... (: xxx Friday, December 14, 2001
first paycheck in months! w00t! money *cash money bling bling* is the root of all evil... or so the bible says. maybe not in that exact context... but you get the point. so working retail, macy's specifically, and it being the holiday season... i see a lot of money. i see it move out of wallets and into the cash register... and maybe sometimes some goes back to the wallet. i see money move in the form of a plastic card, from a wallet, to a swipey-thingy, then from huge banks to other huge banks. innnnteresting... eh? some of that money even went into my pocket! haha - no i didn't steal any... but i sure as heck made a killing today! :D its so odd. we need money. yet if we have too much we become disillusioned to some of the more important things of life... if we have too little, it consumes us... i'm glad that i was raised in just the right manner... financially. i'm glad i'm in the middle... where money isn't everything, and not where money isn't a thing! its odd... because right now... when i say, "i need money, i'm poh." am i really? i have so much abundance. i have my parents taking care of me... MORE than enough food on the table everynight for me. i just say i need money cuz i want to pay off my loans earlier... start saving up for the future and whatever it may bring. but truly... i am blessed... blessed indeed! today was very interesting. after work i did some christmas shopping around the mall. i walked into BR and who did i see? carine wong! *room spins* i used to like this girl in hs... i went to junior prom with her. her hair was looooong... i hadn't seen or heard from her for 4 years! it was trippy yo... she graduated a year early, med school didn't work out, she got married, and is now a manager at BR. *hand over the head* i had some issues these last couple of days... with loneliness, with doubts, with issues of my own, with... well, linda. its resolved... but what it comes down to is that a long distance relationship sucks majorly. *press on josh press on! be patient, trust, hope, and have joy in what you do have...* xxx Wednesday, December 12, 2001 Hear, O LORD, and answer me, for I am poor and needy. Guard my life, for I am devoted to you. You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you. Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you. Hear my prayer, O LORD; listen to my cry for mercy. In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me. Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord; no deeds can compare with yours. All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord; they will bring glory to your name. For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God. Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave. - psalms 86:1-13 (oops i forgot to quote it!) i read this passage yesterday and it struck me, it spoke to me. it was almost my own personal prayer. i am so poor and in need of God's spirit. i call to Him all day long, for my inner groanings eat at me, and i know that He is the only one that hears... He is the only one that understands. He gives me joy, lifting my soul, and answering my cries. He alone is God. xxx Saturday, December 08, 2001 work has been very good. i find myself actually enjoying the fact that i'm constantly productive. i think i did an overload of sitting on my fat butt and doing nothing for so long, i welcomed as much work i could get my hands on (i'm working pretty much 7 days a week, over 40 hours). eh... that can be bad, but i see it as good thing... but then again that leaves less time to think, to hang out with my parents, and for other people that might value the time i set aside for them! i praise God so much for giving me both these opportunities. today, i thoroughly enjoyed helping old ladies with their purchases, girlfriends buying their boyfriends underwear, a mother helping her son pick out a shirt and tie for his first dance in high school, etc. it was especially rewarding when a mother-and-daughter customer complimented me with, "you are such a nice young man!" i made a grip today too... and even tho i loved helping the people i came into contact with... alas, this cannot be my future career. the day ended on a nice note. i had dinner with my parents at floretine's (italian place)... it was a pleasant change from the usual chinese food. we talked a lot about relationships, especially one that has recently become very important to me (linda). and just how i need to know what my vision and what God's vision for my life is down the road... along with seeing if the other half of my relationship has the same types of values, goals, and passions that i do. even though right now i don't know specifically what those might be for myself, i do see how it is important. my parents brought up the fact that many of the couples whom they counselled, had marriage problems related to this. how even though love and feelings and all hold a couple together for say a few years... somewhere down the line, when they realize who they really are, what they pursue and deem important, and their spouse isn't seeing "eye-to-eye" as they are - things fall apart. anyways... good food, good company, then i jetted off to fellowship. its amazing how God ties specific things in my life together. just earlier this week, i got into a huge argument with my parents. and tonight at real world, we talked about our families. the main passage was mark chapter 3:31-34: "Then Jesus' mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, "Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you."Who are my mother and my brothers?" he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother." we discussed Jesus' harshness towards his mother and brothers. so did Jesus mean to literally hate them, all for loving the Father? someone else also pointed out colossians 3:20: "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." so doesn't this put us into an awkward position? isn't God setting us up for strife if we're presented with the situation to pick between loving/hating Him or our parents? i mean... how do you draw the line between following the Father or honoring your father and mother? we never really came to a conclusion, but it was definitely a reminder for me to be thankful for the family and parents that i do have. it was also a reminder for me to honor them in the best way that i can. He's just been teaching me how selfish i really am. even though on the outside, i may not be overtly so, deep down inside... i am. i look out for myself. i take them for granted. i expect the things they provide... yet it is only by their love and grace that i receive. God... this is my prayer, i know you answer. please continue to reveal my selfishness to me... open my eyes to the ways in which i can honor my parents... fill me with your spirit so that i may be more like you. give me the passion to know and be known by you, let me be intimate with you - so that when decisions arise in my life, you may grant me the wisdom to choose wisely and in a way that brings you glory. Lord give me a vision... reveal to me your plans for my life. thank you for your neverending grace and mercy... and joy from all the things i have, yet do not deserve. xxx Wednesday, December 05, 2001
xxx Tuesday, December 04, 2001
fro o the moment i practically lived at the YMCA today. first day on the job, yay! i went in at 9:30 and i didn't leave until 6:30. well i did get a workout in at the end of the day. but today was definitely a good day... a productive day. i'm the youth sports coordinator and the winter youth basketball season is coming up in january. i basically jumped right into things... had to coordinate and figure out how many coaches/referees/courts there were, and the times they were available, etc. it was fun! then my supervisor took me out to lunch, and we just talked about everything - his wife, kids, his former optometry practice, how he ended up at the Y, him telling me how much more money i could make NOT working at the Y. haha - it was a good day of learning from and about him.
xxx Monday, December 03, 2001 i hate this. i really do. i hate living at home. i just had an argument with my parents. i mean... looking back on it... i do see how i was somewhat insensitve and wrong. yes, i was wrong. but if only i had a job, if only i wasn't living at home, if only i was financially independent - crap like this wouldn't happen. i'd send them their monthly check of who-knows-what and they'll give me that peachy smile and all that bs about what a good son i am all the while secretly expecting more. i wish that was the case. but damn it... its not. and my parents are friggin' hard to understand. they're not totally americanized and they're not totally chinese. they just kind of hop back and forth from one cultural stance to the other, whichever one suits their needs best. if i had a job, i wouldn't expect anything from them... because i'd be able to take care of myself, have enough money to buy food... shoot i'd friggin' take care of them. yet, they always come off as lording all that they've done for me... "we raised you up for 18 years and put you through college, and all those violin lessons, yada yada yada..." riiiiiight... but who takes care of you when you're old? yeah um... WHO takes care of you when you're old? isn't it sort of like a trade off? they only see it as a one way deal. yes, of course, i wholly appreciate all that you've done in raising me up, but could you please not lord it over me? if you freakin' hated and resented bringing me up, then why'd you do it? if you don't want me living at home, don't go off on how i messed around in college and not planned ahead to be financially independent... just kick me out and have me live on my own. um helllooo... its not my fault the economy is retarded right now. its like they only wanted to raise me up til i graduated college... and anything after that is their "grace and mercy". heck, i thought parents had unconditional love... but it feels like i would only receive it on the condition that their expectations of me are met. so uh... durr... which set of expectations am i supposed to meet? everything is just blurred... there is no black and white with these people called my parents. OH DEAR GOD... please give me a full-time job so i can be happy, and make them happy... uh... somehow... ugh. xxx UPDATE: re-did links and picture page. want your page to be linked or uh... taken off my links page? lemme know! xxx Sunday, December 02, 2001 yay! snow for the holidays! for those who don't get snow or have never seen snow... enjoy! mwaha. ok... so the topic of conversation over the last couple of days has been, "how do you know when you're in love?" i've talked to lins about it, cuz her friends have been all up in it, and my sister asked me yesterday, "josh, are you in love?" xD so... i asked nia when she knew she loved jonathan. i asked jonathan the same thing. um... but they couldn't really pin-point an exact time. so, some more questions! "does it just hit you when you are in love with someone? or is it a gradual process?" nia said that "emotional" love is all those feelings you feel in the beginning... but true love is actually the commitment part... which lasts for a lifetime. sooo... the conversation was brought up again today at dinner. i asked pops when he knew that he was in love with mom, and vice versa. but again... there wasn't a specific pin-pointable time... maybe a few important events though. pops being the marriage specialist that he is says, "you're in love when the other person is always on your mind and you just want to be with that person. mom on the other hand said, "you love someone when you are willing to do anything for them." hmmmm... all of these are very true, and must be taken into consideration! :D i guess i will know when i know! any thoughts on the big L word? (: xxx well... as you may or may not have noticed... i updated my entry page! check it out. i have also finally come up with a "title" for my website. but i have yet to make a logo or anything. i think linda's gonna make one for me. :D church was a really fulfilling time today. worship was awesome... we sang a song that i learned in gospel choir back at ucsd, and another i learned in belize over the summer. so they both gave me some good memories as well as helping me get my groove on! xD pastor paul spoke on unity. how division is a sin, especially since it goes against God's plan of being one in the body. wanted to buy the tape but didn't have any *cha-ching*. oy! parents are coming home in 2 hours... i'd best get to cleaning my week-long mess up! (: xxx Saturday, December 01, 2001 i am bad. i despise myself. i was late. yes... one of my pet peeves... people being late. and today... i was definitely peeved at myself. i had an appointment to meet with the head of the men's department at macy's at 10:30... i got there at 10:35. i told grandma i'd be at her place in oakland at 12... i got there at 12:15. i told the dude at the YMCA i'd be there at 5:30... i got there at 5:32. suuuuuure... you may say, "josh you're one uptight mother!"... or... "they probably didn't even notice"... and how a couple of minutes late isn't that big of a deal. but it is for me man. i pride myself on accomplishing what i promise to someone. i pride myself in being a dependable, trust-worthy, unfailing kind of guy. i didn't like my "falling short" and failing to be truly honest about how i want to be. maybe God is teaching me something? GET READY EARLIER! xD oh. two of those appointments were for jobs. so praise God! i got two part-time jobs! i will be working at the macy's men's store at stanford shopping center. i actually worked there my junior year in high school (bet that was something you didn't know!)... so it'll be interesting to get back into it. i hope to make some good money, especially with the christmas season coming and all. the other... i am way more excited about. i'm going to be a youth sports coordinator at the YMCA. it is by God's grace that He provided something like this for me. because sports/physical well-being and kids are two of the biggest passions in my life... and now i have a job that involves both! *giddy* both are part-time... so it'll give me some good variety, as well as help me be more productive... not that i wasn't in the first place! :) mwaha. i start next week! pray that i totally immerse myself in them... but still keeping God in focus, as to how i can serve Him in those specific situations. thanks! xxx |
 name: joshua chiu age: 28 birthdate: march 26, 1979 height: 6 feet weight: 172.5 lbs. location: san diego, ca loves: God, family, kids, motorcycles, sports, music, deep-meaningful relationships, competition over video games, food - any and all |
