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Saturday, February 26, 2005
i'm not sure what it is lately... but i just have stuff to share. having run out of daily fruits and food, a costco/trader joes run was in order. at costco, i was making my way towards the food section when i passed by a father and daughter. they were sitting on one of those patio lounge chairs, both fast asleep... daughter in her father's arms, head on his neck, hair splayed across her face. at that very moment, i wish i had my camera with me. there is something so special about the daughter/father relationship. having no camera, i suppose i captured the essence of that moment with my smile. i hope to have a daughter one day. xxx  oh so precious. xxx Wednesday, February 23, 2005  i suppose this entry is following on the coattails of the one on pictures. i believe i am seven and caleb is five. we'd just moved to taiwan, left all our little neighborhood friends behind, no more english... all we had was each other. we've definitely grown since then. we've gone through a lot of fights, arguments... and we still constantly challenge each other and push those hot buttons. cliche as it may sound... yes, we've come a long way too. haha. we've grown up. we've grown together in many ways, we've grown apart in many ways. we have our separate views on issues. we have the same love for children, sports, and motorcycles. we work together. our voices are similar. the same blood flows through our veins. we are brothers. caleb is probably just finishing up his first loan signing right now. he's gonna be making some good money... gonna be able to pay off some bills... gonna be able to live a little. i'm proud of you lil' brother. xxx i just got back from hanging out with peter and laura. pete is back from boston (after enduring long-johns since november of last year) to enjoy some southern california sun as well as see his girlfriend, laura. it seems like yesterday we were all sitting around eric's kitchen table, talking about who would get a girl first (snapple?). i also heard from peter that eric has a girlfriend now as well. wow, its so amazing how far all of us have come. who would have thought we'd be where we are... 25 or 26 years old, out of school for a couple years, back in school for law or public health, berkeley/boston/san diego, first relationships and failed relationships. it was nice to see peter and laura's interaction. its always good to be in the midst of people who care about each other. the corny jokes, always answered with a laugh... the loving pats on the back... the grabbing of hands under the table... the comfort of being with someone who is comforted by being with you. i miss it. but, i've experienced it before, and it was wonderful. so... with that, i can only say that i have ineffable joy for you guys. never fail to cherish each other... put the other above yourself... do not take each other for granted... communicate... share your heart... and above all, love. oh, and please do invite me to your weddings. (: in the meantime... watch 'the notebook'. :D xxx Monday, February 21, 2005  pictures... they are our memories. this is a family picture along with vanessa, her mother, and her grandfather. grandfather mok recently passed away, and vanessa found this picture of all of us. even though i don't remember this... it serves as a reminder, that at that time, in front of that house, i existed. we existed. pictures serve as reminders of who we were at that moment in time... who we were with, what we felt, perhaps how we were different - our hair, our age, our character, our personality, our thought process. pictures are precious. i want to capture my life. i want to share moments with friends and family. i want to be able to one day look back and see that i was once stylish and fashionable, just like nia, rockin' the 'i love ny' t-shirt. :D haha. won't you capture a moment with me? xxx Wednesday, February 16, 2005 life is so amazing. its complex. its simple. or as some say, its simply a matter of how you look at it. i'm just sitting here at my desk... a long day of work is finished, a night of television has been watched, and sleep is drawing away at my eyes. familiar songs replay themselves. comfortable notes, reassuring words, echo in my brain. funny how every song speaks... maybe not at this time, but definitely some time or another in your lifetime. my lungs draw in breath after breath. the left one hurt again, earlier today... a product of ignorning doctor's orders with 2 days of situps, pushups, and curls. my body is listless. it wants to run... it wants to feel alive. my body is getting fat... evident by a broken chair, broken simply because it was sat on. thoughts are wandering... what is worth living for? love? your dreams? what if your purpose in life isn't what you've dreamed? what do you do then? what if what you want isn't for you? what if you're denied the next round of american idol? do you simply go back to your job and forget about singing? do people give up too easily in life? am i all that i've thought myself to be? am i really a good person? do i really love too deeply? do i give myself too much credit? who am i to myself? does the man in the mirror clearly reflect the man staring in? enough. questions that beg to be answered, but will always evade capture... seemingly understood, only in a moments revelation. i'm twenty-five going on twenty-six. whats next? happiness, is that all we're looking for? or are we only fooling ourselves with other people's lives played out on the glossy screen... was reminded today by a dear friend, to be good to myself. i want that. but i'm still quite unsure as to what being good to oneself means. do i even know what's good? do i even know myself? do i know enough to give whats good to the 'myself' that i'm unsure that i even know? this deep thinking stuff is new to me (ha!)... i think it only confuses me more. i guess 'round and 'round we go... xxx Monday, February 14, 2005 (i wrote this saturday morning, didn't want to post it initially, but here it is. also, this post was written in a heat of passion, with so many things going in my head, known and unknown... so i'm sure you all know what that means... all of it IS how i feel, but obviously i wouldn't always go about it in this way. oh well, this is me, love me or leave me.) women are ridiculous. i have a problem with them. i really do. i was reminiscing with my buddy, and we were thinking back to the days when we were relationship, and ohhhh yes, drama free. we were young back then, and so stupid. we didn't know what we had... the freedom, the stress-free conscience. its like that saying, 'once you go black, you ain't going back'. thats the same with relationships. until you actually have one, you don't really need one, you just want one. but once you get a taste, you'll always want one. i may be wrong, but thats how i see it. women never know what they want. one minute they want one thing, the next minute they want another. they know this about themselves, they say its a problem, yet they never go about working on it or improving it. shit, after a while, it just becomes an excuse to do exactly just that - be wishywashy. and in all that time, yes, they expect us to know exactly what they want. they expect us to deal with it, to deal with them. what the freak?! if you don't know what the hell you want, how the hell are we supposed to? its tiring for guys... and i feel bad for every man that has to go through it constantly. maybe thats why guys are jerks. maybe thats why guys cheat. maybe thats why guys oogle other girls. have you women ever thought about that? i mean... if guys are straight forward and know exactly what they want... and one minute you tell them yes you want the same thing, and the next minute no you want something different. obviously he's going to be confused and look elsewhere... see where he can find some resemblance of consistency. be it boobs that are just boobs, or sports, where if the clippers win 105-100 over the warriors thats exactly it. it is what it is, there's no changing it. and anyone that says they don't want commitment, that's a crock of bullshit. everyone wants commitment. everyone wants someone who is willing to do anything and everything for them. its simply a maturity thing. people who don't want to commit basically don't know what it is to love anyone other than themselves. they're unwilling to be that person that they actually want for themselves. they're unwilling to give unconditionally... not knowing that someone only wants to give just that to them. ridiculous. thats why there's so many divorces today. its always about me me me. i'm not getting enough. i'm not happy. you're not satisfying all my needs. you're not meeting my list of expectations. what happened to just loving someone for them? if both people just work on satisfying each others needs/wants/expectations, wouldn't the relationship be gravy? people say relationships are give and take. i say screw that. give give give... and if you don't get back in return, maybe you need to find someone else that is willing to give give give like you do. oh god, i am so tired of all this shit. for all of you ladies out there, please do not take this personally. i'm just a frustrated guy looking for love. happy valentine's day! i love you all, but seriously... a lot of the times i just want to give the 1-finger salute and say f it. how's that for a romantic v-day post? *end of valentine's day rant* xxx Wednesday, February 09, 2005 i feel a relapse coming. a relapse into caring too much about things i cannot control. i guess a part of it is the hospital stay, and the feeling of release from there, wearing off. but i don't want to take all the things i've been blessed with for granted again. its funny... how human nature is. you know what you don't want to feel, or do, or think... yet you somehow watch yourself go through those motions anyways. not being able to exercise is probably a part of it too. caleb keeps telling me about his 'exploits' at the gym. haha. luuuuucky *napoleon dynamite style* good thing is that work is rockin'. i'm on a roll baby! last week was my comeback week... and now i have about 10 loans going on. this is going to be a good month... hopefully with me banking a couple of paychecks and thinking, "i'm rich bitch!" lol. also, happy chinese new years! make sure you call your parents! (: xxx Thursday, February 03, 2005 what a freakin' awesome day. work was fabulous... i was as busy as a dog squatting on the lawn. then to top it all off... caleb and i, along with two of his buddies, hit up the marine room (restaurant is ON the beach, you see the tide 10 feet from the big windows) as part of the $30 3-course meal due to san diego restaurant week. talk about delicious man. total bill for the 4 of us was $176. but good food, wine, and a senseless discussion on filet mignon... priceless. if you're here in san diego... there's still one more night and lots of restaurants to choose from. check it out! :D http://sandiegorestaurantweek.com the following was our menu... i had what is in bold. First Course/Appetizer 1. Hazelnut Dukkah Spiced Prawns and Diver Scallop with Kabocha Tian, Griottes, Amaranth, Thyme Icewine Essence 2. Magenta-Mache Salad has Candied Beets, Roomano, Fructus Olive Oil, Huckleberry Balsamic 3. Signature Maine Lobster Bisque with Enokis, Pancetta, Yuzu Cream Entree 1. Fennel Pollen Parsley Scented Pacific Butterfish has Heirloom Apple Beignet, Red Quinoa, Endive, Cranberry Port Reduction 2. Oven-roasted Western Australian Lobster Tail with Boniato Timbale, Linguica Pepino Melon and Saffron Sauterne Chervil Emulsion 3. Cinnamon Port Spiced Filet Mignon with Purple Potato, Pickled Red Onion, Portabellini Tamarind Date Butter and Old Vine Zinfandel Dessert 1. Espresso and Vanilla Bean Cobblestone Pie with Toasted Hazelnuts, Chocolate Nuggets and Hot Butterscotch 2. Blue Sky Ranch Organic Lemon Tart with Almond Crust, Lavender Honey Chantilly, Raspberries 3. Triple-layered Chocolate Mousse Cake with Raspberry Coulis, Candied Violets and Spiced Sesame Brittle xxx Wednesday, February 02, 2005 man... i'm an itchy mess. i think that long ass stay in the hospital, along with not showering, messed my skin up. i believe right now it is trying to shed all that nastiness. *shudder and itch* man... life is grand. each day seems to get better and better. i'm having so much fun just doing the same things i was doing before i went into the hospital. go figure huh? funny what a perspective change can really do to a person. sucky thing is the house arrest... i can't lift anything over 5 pounds (i already did when i changed out the watercooler bottle at work) and i'm not supposed to drive (whatever to that! i drove myself home from the hospital). oh well... i guess that allows me to indulge myself in the latest entertainment on television. monday nights is bachelorette. tuesdays is one tree hill and real world. wednesdays is the simpson sisters. thursdays i'm not sure yet... cuz thats tomorrow. and then nothing on the weekends! so last weekend on saturday... chuck and i found this nice little italian place in normal heights. right after dinner we went to lestat's cafe... anya who is a dj on channel 94.9 had a cd release party along with a couple of other special guests. sunday, hung out with chuck again... initially wanted to play frisbee golf in balboa park... but thought i'd strain myself, plus there was a grip of people out because of the nice weather. so, we ended up heading down to pb for a sunset and a long romantic walk along the beach. i'm really looking forward to another great weekend. now i would like to leave you with a chuckie quote... on why ohio (where he's from) is so great. "it ain't the weather, its the ugly bitches" xxx |
 name: joshua chiu age: 28 birthdate: march 26, 1979 height: 6 feet weight: 172.5 lbs. location: san diego, ca loves: God, family, kids, motorcycles, sports, music, deep-meaningful relationships, competition over video games, food - any and all |