self realization: i'm too much of an idealist a lot of the time. i wish this or i hope that. more often than not... this translates into idleness, depression, and laziness. its a good realization... to know that i need to live and approach life realistically. its one thing to say it, its another to realize it. the keywords from here on out are - DO, GO - basically act. if not, i may relapse. i have so much talent/things-i-could-learn-experience to waste my time daydreaming. yes, dream big, but even moreso, do big things. thanks for helping me along big guy.
i did one of these on saturday. cept i didn't slide into no barrier. but ouch. i still hurt from it. good thing i work with a bunch of physical therapists! :P
today is... just one of those days. i went to bed at 12:30 last night, and didn't wake up until 11am this morning. i suppose having my work shifts get cut in half does have its benefits. :/ but yeah, wasn't in the best of moods today. i'm an emotional guy, and basically my life is a rollercoaster, up and down up and down. i'm blessed with so many things, i always know this. yet, every couple of months, my situation of being poor, in debt, back in school, single, in the waiting... for so many things... gets to me. i even considered calling in sick and not showing up for work. i ended up not being able to justify doing so, as the therapists i assist would have to scramble to find an aide to cover for me. so as the day progressed at work, i began to feel better. and i was gently reminded of what aaron, my roommate, was sharing with me the night prior.
i was already grumpy and waiting for him to finish up brushing his teeth so that i could shower. he likes to talk... which isn't normally a bad thing, but being in the mood i was in, it was hard keeping myself from being short with him. he's a pretty new christian, but in many ways more disciplined in reading the word and marinating in the spirit. God spoke to me through him when he shared how joyous he was - his joy being a result of putting God first, serving others, and then lastely himself. as i pulled another hot pack, for a patient's shoulder, from the back room... i suddenly realized that this was so true. in the couple of hours at work, i had forgotten about myself. forgotten about my situation, about what i wanted, needed, or felt bad about. i was focused on serving and assisting the therapists and the patients. i'm not saying that i feel any better right now. like i said... its just 'one of those days'. yet... i now understand how it feels and what it is to serve others before myself. i'm going to take more steps in serving others, and quit worrying about myself.
i didn't go to a wedding today. not because i was sick, or i had prior engagements, or i simply could not make it. i didn't go because... well, i wasn't invited. i want to say up front that this is not a bitter post. but regardless, i'm assuming it will probably be taken as one. i am very happy for the married couple. but at the same time, i feel quite sad.
when i first found out they were getting married, i wondered if i'd get invited. he was a roommate of mine for 2 years back during the college years... you didn't find us hanging out often or catching meals together, nor did we cross each others paths more than a few random times since i've moved back down to san diego... but i thought the roommate thing would go far enough for an invite! initially... it was what i felt... bitterness. but gradually, it turned into sadness. sadness that maybe i didn't put enough into our relationship... that i didn't make enough of an impact on his life, in those 2 years of living with him. the worse part of it all... is that i wanted to be there - to share college memories, hangout with old friends, witness the union of a God-ordained marriage, and showering blessings on them - but couldn't. or even worse, i wasn't wanted there. :\
bottomline is... when i get married (it'll be a while, of course)... i'd hope that i would be able to invite anyone and everyone that would love to share in my day.
name: joshua chiu
age: 28
birthdate: march 26, 1979
height: 6 feet
weight: 172.5 lbs.
location: san diego, ca
loves: God, family, kids, motorcycles, sports, music, deep-meaningful relationships, competition over video games, food - any and all
