.::rEtrO tImEs::.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Life is hard at the moment. Even though I'm surrounded by people... I still feel on the outside. Is it my age? Is it because I don't stick with certain groups and try to make sure I get along with everyone? I miss San Diego. I miss my family there... where I had a group... I had my boys. I know I'm supposed to be here... but its hard when my purpose isn't clear... when I feel alone... when I'm in the "desert".

I know the changes I need to make... not necessarily to feel less alone... but moreso what I need to do to get through. I can't make it on my own, this much I know is true. My heart yearns for something more... its on the brink of exploding wanting to know what that may be. Yet life, school, and trivial distractions often make me forget about my heart. I return to the source time and again... just like the Israelites. But I don't want to be like the Israelites anymore. I want to be like Shaddrach, Meshach, and Abendigo... ready, and thrust into the fire immediately. I don't want to wait anymore. Its GO time. Yet, here I am, stuck.

I'm in a weird mood. Which is probably a good reason why I'm even typing my thoughts out on the internet. I long for companionship... whether that be in the form of a good brother or sister... doesn't matter. I want to be known again... to be affirmed, to be encouraged, and to press on toward things that are greater than myself. I'm tired, yet energized. I feel alone, though I am not. Though I search, I am fulfilled. Time seems to fly, yet my heart is standing still... waiting. Its the beginning of another long week... and in a blink of a moment, it will be Sunday night and I will be getting ready for another week. I want more than what my life is at the moment.

"All night, all day... I feel your touch, I feel your love. Its your love that makes things right... its your love that holds me tight." - Found Someone, Shaded Red

joshua @ 7:43 PM | archives | aim | email | 0 comments

xxx

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